The Un-Crisis
Today I experienced what I call an Un-Crisis. This is a term I thought of today at one o'clock in the afternoon, when my blood pressure is just now returning to normal. You know, the point at which you can circle back to something maddening that happened and look at it with some degree of objectivity.
That wasn't the case at 9 am this morning, though. I was super ready for work: I had lunch and dinner packed and breakfast ready to be eaten on the car ride, coffee in my mug. About to walk out the door. Then I realized the garbage was a little smelly. "It'll take me two seconds to run it outside to the dumpster!" I thought. So I grabbed my keys and the trash. What a responsible adult I was, taking out the garbage in the morning instead of letting it sit all day!
Moments after the door to the alley clicked shut behind me, I looked down to see that the lanyard that holds my keys was missing something. Oh yeah. My keys.
It took a couple of minutes for the reality of the situation to settle in. My keys were inside, along with my phone and purse, and I was outside. I took a breath. I could just wait for someone to come out! I walked around to the front of the building, estimating there would be a higher likelihood of someone coming or going. I felt silly for making a thoughtless mistake. But it could be worse.
Fifteen minutes passed as I stood outside the front door and weighed my options. I had my car key. I could just drive to work, right? No, I don't have my driver's license or my work ID card. I don't have my food for the day or money to buy food. But I was not willing to let this ruin my day. Someone will come, I thought. Any minute now.
Fifteen more minutes went by. I alternated between sitting on the front step and standing. It was nice morning. I was taking deep breaths. People were arriving for work at the building next door to the apartment building, and each time I stared at them as they got out of their cars. Were they coming to THIS building? Maybe returning from an overnight shift? No. They weren't. Wow, this is getting a bit excessive, I thought. How long would I be out here? Should I give up and drive to work after all? But then what about after work? And no money or ID? My thoughts were going in circles and I could feel my insides tighten.
Now it was nearing an hour that I had been standing outside. Typically if I am running late I can text my supervisor or call my department at work...but with no phone I felt truly helpless. I can't text my landlord. Should I start knocking on apartment windows? Why wasn't anyone leaving for work? Does anyone have a JOB in this building?! I could feel myself starting to unravel slightly. If I had a roommate or partner they could let me in. Why do I have to be single still? Why am I living in an apartment where no one WORKS A JOB? I fought my increasingly negative line of thinking. It wasn't healthy or productive. But DAMMIT, why did this happen to me? Am I being punished? What's wrong with me? The spiral continued.
I decided it was time to take action regarding how late I was for work. I ran across the street to the veterinary clinic to see if they would let me use the phone. As I opened my mouth to say, "I locked myself out of my building..." my throat got tight and I knew the moment had arrived. I was going to cry about this. Now I was embarrassed and slightly panicked. I didn't WANT to be crying (especially not in front of these strangers) and I didn't WANT to be locked out of my damn apartment building and I didn't WANT to be an hour late for work. I couldn't remember which phone number to call to alert my boss to the fact that I would be coming in to work soon. The receptionist was extremely kind and looked up the phone number for me online, and I left a rambling, tearful message on the wrong person's voicemail (I didn't have the energy to have her hang up the phone and dial again). At least it was SOMEONE in my department.
I thanked the staff, grabbed a fistful of Kleenex for the road, and went back outside to pout. And I think I really and truly had my bottom lip protruding. The tears were flowing freely now as I leaned my back against my car and stared at the apartment building across the street. You STUPID DUMB LOCKED STUPID BUILDING. I sat there forlorn, watching cars drive by. I imagined passersby could tell I was upset, and they were probably wondering, "Why is this woman crying in the street?" They had NO IDEA the ordeal I'd been through. Let them wonder.
Just then, a car pulled up in front of the building. I tried not to get my hopes up...it was probably just another person arriving for work. But then my heart leapt as two people walked toward the building and up the stairs and YES! I was in! Ninety minutes later, I was in.
So. Why did I call this an un-crisis? Well, I have my father's voice in the back of my head. Whenever something would go awry, he was always quick to point out that it could always be worse. Did anyone get hurt? Was anything irreplaceable lost? Was this something that would impact the rest of your life? It drove me NUTS growing up, because I just wanted to be upset about something unexpected happening.
Because that's what really happened today. I had EXPECTED to be to work on time and have a very normal morning. My expectations for my day were not met. It's funny, because when I finally got to work, there was extremely noisy construction going on in our department--construction that was unexpected. It was not supposed to start until next week. So if I had gotten to work on time, it would have been VERY annoying to sit there for two hours listening to ongoing drills and thuds and clanks.
After I got settled at my desk, a co-worker came over and I saw she had tears in her eyes. Her sister's husband's brother had fallen from a tree while trimming branches last night and hit his head. He was now on life support and donating his organs, and he would be dead very soon.
I thought back to my morning. It had REALLY SUCKED. But I guess Dad was right. No one got hurt.
That wasn't the case at 9 am this morning, though. I was super ready for work: I had lunch and dinner packed and breakfast ready to be eaten on the car ride, coffee in my mug. About to walk out the door. Then I realized the garbage was a little smelly. "It'll take me two seconds to run it outside to the dumpster!" I thought. So I grabbed my keys and the trash. What a responsible adult I was, taking out the garbage in the morning instead of letting it sit all day!
Moments after the door to the alley clicked shut behind me, I looked down to see that the lanyard that holds my keys was missing something. Oh yeah. My keys.
It took a couple of minutes for the reality of the situation to settle in. My keys were inside, along with my phone and purse, and I was outside. I took a breath. I could just wait for someone to come out! I walked around to the front of the building, estimating there would be a higher likelihood of someone coming or going. I felt silly for making a thoughtless mistake. But it could be worse.
Fifteen minutes passed as I stood outside the front door and weighed my options. I had my car key. I could just drive to work, right? No, I don't have my driver's license or my work ID card. I don't have my food for the day or money to buy food. But I was not willing to let this ruin my day. Someone will come, I thought. Any minute now.
Fifteen more minutes went by. I alternated between sitting on the front step and standing. It was nice morning. I was taking deep breaths. People were arriving for work at the building next door to the apartment building, and each time I stared at them as they got out of their cars. Were they coming to THIS building? Maybe returning from an overnight shift? No. They weren't. Wow, this is getting a bit excessive, I thought. How long would I be out here? Should I give up and drive to work after all? But then what about after work? And no money or ID? My thoughts were going in circles and I could feel my insides tighten.
Now it was nearing an hour that I had been standing outside. Typically if I am running late I can text my supervisor or call my department at work...but with no phone I felt truly helpless. I can't text my landlord. Should I start knocking on apartment windows? Why wasn't anyone leaving for work? Does anyone have a JOB in this building?! I could feel myself starting to unravel slightly. If I had a roommate or partner they could let me in. Why do I have to be single still? Why am I living in an apartment where no one WORKS A JOB? I fought my increasingly negative line of thinking. It wasn't healthy or productive. But DAMMIT, why did this happen to me? Am I being punished? What's wrong with me? The spiral continued.
I decided it was time to take action regarding how late I was for work. I ran across the street to the veterinary clinic to see if they would let me use the phone. As I opened my mouth to say, "I locked myself out of my building..." my throat got tight and I knew the moment had arrived. I was going to cry about this. Now I was embarrassed and slightly panicked. I didn't WANT to be crying (especially not in front of these strangers) and I didn't WANT to be locked out of my damn apartment building and I didn't WANT to be an hour late for work. I couldn't remember which phone number to call to alert my boss to the fact that I would be coming in to work soon. The receptionist was extremely kind and looked up the phone number for me online, and I left a rambling, tearful message on the wrong person's voicemail (I didn't have the energy to have her hang up the phone and dial again). At least it was SOMEONE in my department.
I thanked the staff, grabbed a fistful of Kleenex for the road, and went back outside to pout. And I think I really and truly had my bottom lip protruding. The tears were flowing freely now as I leaned my back against my car and stared at the apartment building across the street. You STUPID DUMB LOCKED STUPID BUILDING. I sat there forlorn, watching cars drive by. I imagined passersby could tell I was upset, and they were probably wondering, "Why is this woman crying in the street?" They had NO IDEA the ordeal I'd been through. Let them wonder.
Just then, a car pulled up in front of the building. I tried not to get my hopes up...it was probably just another person arriving for work. But then my heart leapt as two people walked toward the building and up the stairs and YES! I was in! Ninety minutes later, I was in.
So. Why did I call this an un-crisis? Well, I have my father's voice in the back of my head. Whenever something would go awry, he was always quick to point out that it could always be worse. Did anyone get hurt? Was anything irreplaceable lost? Was this something that would impact the rest of your life? It drove me NUTS growing up, because I just wanted to be upset about something unexpected happening.
Because that's what really happened today. I had EXPECTED to be to work on time and have a very normal morning. My expectations for my day were not met. It's funny, because when I finally got to work, there was extremely noisy construction going on in our department--construction that was unexpected. It was not supposed to start until next week. So if I had gotten to work on time, it would have been VERY annoying to sit there for two hours listening to ongoing drills and thuds and clanks.
After I got settled at my desk, a co-worker came over and I saw she had tears in her eyes. Her sister's husband's brother had fallen from a tree while trimming branches last night and hit his head. He was now on life support and donating his organs, and he would be dead very soon.
I thought back to my morning. It had REALLY SUCKED. But I guess Dad was right. No one got hurt.
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